"THOSE DAMN LIBERALS"

Thanks for Jacquie F and Cyndy P of Maine for this one. - Roland Rhoades

Ray gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Ray gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs this day. Ray's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Ray reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Ray dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor and a recipient.

Ray begins his work day. He has a good job with decent pay, medical benefits, paid holidays and vacation, because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Ray's employer pays these standards so that his employees won't call the union. If Ray is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It's noontime and Ray needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Ray's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Ray's money from unscrupulous greedy bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Ray has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Ray and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.

Ray is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Ray wouldn't have to support himself and his father, too.

Ray gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host says that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that conservatives have fought against each and every protection and benefit Ray enjoys throughout his day.

Ray agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives!  After all, I'm a self-made man.  Everyone should take care of themselves, just like I always have!"

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

{Thanks to Patrick of NH for forwarding this one.}

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy. (And causing record numbers of divorces, destroyed families, and suicides among soldiers).

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Pass this on. If you don't send it to 10 other people, we're going to be stuck with more Republicans in 2008.
FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS VOTE REPUBLICAN.

So…….. WHO is or isn’t really standing up for the American Constitution? Get educated about what is really going on and think for yourself, Please!

The Shepherd -in-Chief?

 

The 23rd Qualm